im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
