Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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