i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
