So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
