happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
