They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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