I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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