A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
