I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
