I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I need moral support for this bender
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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