i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
There's even glitter on my cock...
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