Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
