I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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