My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
