You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
