i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
