oh god the rape fog is back!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
