My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
