I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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