He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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