Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
