I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's shark week go big or go home
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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