the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
