I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
