he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
