it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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