you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
