I puked a lego.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Two words: nipple clamps
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