the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
