She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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