I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
