dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
