Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I could make wine with my vomit
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
