Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
