Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
