He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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