even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
