She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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