I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
