who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
