I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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