WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
