It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
