All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just google imaged poop.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
