Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
