what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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