is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
