No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
