If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
