It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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